Inspiration

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Saturday, May 18, 2013

The start of another year... (half way through anyways)


I all but abandoned this page. Purposely… My original intent when I started this blog was to simply chronicle my first year doing tri’s and run races, so when the year was over, I was done. I didn’t want to put in the time and effort at writing about my limited experiences, or offer weak and often misguided advice to the few of you who may have stumbled across this page… so when the year came and went, so did my visits to this page… so for the past 1.5 years, zero entries. So why take the time now? Why resurrect this bit of narcissism? I guess because I hit the big 4-0 and I have big plans for this year. Well, I’m planning to make it a big year anyways… But the deep seeded reason why I feel so compelled to keep track of this year? The truth? It stems from my father’s passing in December of 2012 coupled with me signing up for my first full Ironman a week before hearing that dreadful news of my father’s cancer…

My father was an amazing man. I remember him for everything wonderful that I saw in him as a father. He was joyfully faithful, generously gracious, courageously humble, and above all else… lovingly affectionate. He taught me that strength comes not from words, but action… that a true leader serves more than is served… and that it takes courage to have faith… but what I never got to see a glimpse of, was what my father was like outside of the world of our family. He worked, went to church, and spent time at home. I didn’t know him to have any pleasures or joys outside of this comfort triad. So when I watched him lay in that hospital bed in late November, as the cancer lay waste to his once strong body, I couldn’t help but wonder… did my father live the life he wanted? Did he ever experience personal triumph or pleasure so great that the glory of a moment hung in his memory like a thick fog, blurring the contrast of reality? I don’t know… and I’ll never know, because all I ever saw of my father was one of servitude to us… to his church… to God. Maybe in his own way, he experienced those glories through his service… not sure… all I know is I want to live a glorious year and finishing an Ironman is part of it… and I want to remember it, every detail of it… and I want my wife and kids to remember this slice of my life, in which I dedicated time and energy to a pursuit that doesn’t make complete sense. I know a single year will not make me, because the life journey God’s laid out for me has more to do with a greater pursuit, but maybe this year… the entire experience of it may change not only the trajectory of my own life, but the trajectory of my dear family… but my want is that when I’m gone, my kids will not have to wonder about me… whether or not I had done something for myself.

So this year… my 40th year will be dedicated to the pursuit of living up to a personal standard… to the glory of a wonderful God who’s granted me this time… these moments of wonderful ability to pursue my own dream of personal satisfaction by training and hopefully finishing an Ironman… and maybe, in the smallest and most obscure of gestures a way to remember a life of a father that taught a son that action is sometimes so much more meaningful than words… In this way, this short recorded journey, maybe I can pass along more than thoughtful words… more than an inheritance of wisdom… maybe I can pass along a glimpse of my life at a time when everything seems so amazing… so that maybe, when I’m gone, they’ll remember me as a father that enjoyed life enough to participate in its pleasures, if not just for a moment…

So this week marks the official start to my training for Ironman Arizona… my pursuit which will culminate to 140.6 miles on November 17th, 2013… and come midnight that evening, I’ll know if I can call myself an Ironman or not… we will see… but it’s really the journey I’m looking forward to the most… and record it right here…